“I wonder what the wife is going to think about this one! 4 months away with the possibility of it being 5 and missing out on my Daughters first birthday. Bugger.”
That’s exactly what I thought when I was told that I would be deploying with a month and a half to prepare. So how do you prepare?
Now I am quite lucky as my daughter is only 8 months old, so telling her I was leaving wasn’t that hard. She just smiled at me and grunted in her usual fashion. Now the wife on the other hand, that’s a different ball game.
At first when I told her, I don’t think she was too happy. I mean if the shoe was on the other foot and she left for 4 months I don’t think I would be happy either. She has to balance looking after a baby, running a photography business, studying psychology and looking after the house! Not to mention somewhere in there she has to find a bit of time to herself! So I do feel quite bad about leaving.
(Between you and me I think she is just a bit jealous that ill be getting a full nights sleep compared to her waking up every 3-4 hours to deal with the baby! Which I understand completely and honestly I do feel a bit bad!)
I remind her that it is only 4 months and that time will fly by and I’ll be back before you know it. Thankfully in my case I have access to internet so that makes communication with back home a breeze!
Now with that sorted I have to think, what can I do around the house before I go to make things easier for my wife. My list was as follows:
- Fix things around the house that need fixing! If you can fix it, fix it! Don’t leave it too late or you might end up having to organise a contractor to come and fix it and we all know how much that can end up costing. So even if it takes a few hours of your day, just fix it and save your wife the trouble of sorting it out later.
- Mow the Lawn! I know it sounds silly, but your wife will love you for it as its one less chore for her worry about until a later date. Plus it will make your house look good before you leave.
- Sort out your finances. Try to ensure that any unpaid bills are taken care of, or at least plan a budget to help pay off some of those bills. Last time I was deployed I found it very easy to make a quick budget using excel which helped me pay off a few big bills and even save a bit of extra money!
- Make sure she knows how to contact you in an emergency. This one is a big one. If your wife has an emergency back home and urgently needs to contact you, or any family members for that matter, make sure she has a list of phone numbers and email addresses to make it as easy as possible. The last thing you want is for her to be all alone in an emergency.
And Lastly:
- Plan some alone time with your family. I cannot stress this enough, put aside your other hobbies and spend some quality time with them. They aren’t going to see you for a long time and that can be tough on them. The last thing they want is for you to be sat there playing games or going out with your mates. Instead go out for dinner, go to the park, just spend time with them! In my case I went for a picnic with some pizzas and my family. We didn’t even go far, we only went 5 minutes around the corner! But it was the best way to spend my last few nights with them.
Finding out you are leaving can be very tough on you and your family. Sometimes it might not be the best news for your wife or children, but if you take the time to prepare, it might just make you leaving a bit smoother for them. Remind them that you love them, the trip wont be forever and that you will talk to them whenever you can. Also, a few presents before you leave wouldn’t hurt either.
The Deployed Dad 